A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
