It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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