..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize