hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
