im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Found the puke drawer
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
