Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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