u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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