I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
