I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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