how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
