Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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