By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
