She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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