So drunk its hurt
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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