I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
