TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
