Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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