Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
