thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
