I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
