I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
