Are we in a gay sports bar?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
