More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
