hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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