I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
