that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
