the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
