i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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