Whod you bang
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
