Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
