She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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