the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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