Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
