is your mom at the bar?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
