Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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