Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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