She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
