I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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