Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
