My pussy is not your playground.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
