Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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