and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
