So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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