I got her a Nickelback box set.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
