Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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