he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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