So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize