So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
