How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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