is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
