i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
