Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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