Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
