ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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