I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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